Away Messages

These are away messages I have accumulated through friends and various sites.  Enjoy.

I went that away ------->

Living vicariously through myself. Leave a message.

We’re sorry, the away message you’ve reached is no longer in service. It seems AOL has extended the reliability of its software to include connection to Instant Messenger. Please reboot and IM again. Thank you.

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other, and when I am alone I am together.

I'm out like the only boy at a pool party in a Speedo

Searching Ebay for magnetic booties so my cats can climb up the refrigerator!

Ya know how when you go to weddings, aunts and grandmas come up to you, pinching your cheek, saying "You're next!" Well, they stopped doing that crap when I did it to them at funerals.

im out like a straight dude in a gay bar

There is always a deafening silence in a crowd whenever I leave a room.  Perhaps it's my stunning wit and grace that leave people in speechless awe.  Perhaps a deep sadness fills the room as my people realize that they will no longer be graced with my presence.  Perhaps it's because I pumped the room full of nerve gas and everyone is dead.

i'm in the shower....bars of soap around the world are jealous.

 I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive until i realized that suicide is a crime.

Annoyin people like you, make people like me need medication!!

Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.

I am spinning in my computer chair.

Have you ever noticed anyone going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"

"I'd never been on an airplane before, and I gotta tell ya it was great. Except I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor. The little kid in back of me kept throwing up the whole time. The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts, and the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore, and.. oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out, and we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died.."

I am currently shaving my animal crackers with a pair of fingernail clippers. Please take a number, and I will cut your hair accordingly. And if you DON'T want the mo-hawk special, please press ¬»ó on your keyboard now.

Hello from the Community of the Insane Asylum! We are sorry to announce that the occupant of this screen name is not here right now. They are currently rocking to-and-fro in a straight jacket, in a padded room. Please leave a message and they will get back to you as soon as they have regained sanity. Which may take quite a while, but we hope that you care enough about them to wait.

This one's for Lauren:  "I'm gone, but if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone. "

Why do people call Cheetos 'Cheetos'? I mean, I know they're cheesy and all, but their mascot really looks more like a leopard to me...and if it looks like a leopard they shouldn't try to make people think it's a cheetah. Now, they COULD call it 'Leotos'...but then they couldn't use cheese on them... What's a food with 'Leo' or something similar in it? ...Lemons...That could work...Lemon flavored crunchy things... Yuck...

I am busy spraying the street in front of my house with cooking oil... I'll be back after the first car drives by!  

Well hello there, this is God speaking.  I'm quite busy, being God and all. Now go, before I smite you.

(you can find more at mutedfaith.com)  Buut, if you have your own you would like posted, e-mail(see contact me page) them to me with your name and I'll post them!