Bekah's Ramblings

February 2, 2006

NEEDLES
pound thousands all at once
into my rigid back and shoulders.
Thousands of
PRESSURES
remain: articles, summaries, reports. The
heavy load bends my
neck 'till
WHACK
the realization of my crude words
penetrate my soul. His aches,
fears become
MINE
to cope. Mine to
change. Mine to touch.
Mine to reiterate the muffled
screams for
HELP
in life, in school,
with family, with God,
without Sleep.

February 1, 2006

YELLS
echo through the house,
stubborn, belidgerent, painful
words pass rapidly through invisible
WALLS
surround my heart. The few who
hold the key viciously unlock it
and trash the
PLACE
where love once blossmed
where peace once thrived
where all came and had a wonderful
TIME
ticks slowly; each second an
hour. All help sleeps soundly,
unaware of all the
PAIN
so inmense. I can hardly keep
breathing. Thoughts of regret
and uslessness drown my
MIND
never ceases, its pace unbeaten,
indescribable, never allowing
sleep, but always stopping to
SCREAM

January 9, 2006

The urgent and ever increasing issue of poverty continues to devastate countries, men, women and children worldwide. Organizations such as UNICEF and Oxfam America have attempted to relieve the stress of poverty in the affected countries. Peter Singera professor of bioethics--strongly urges large donations to such organizations. He also argues that all money spent on luxuries should be given to the less fortunate. His utopian solution of fixing the worlds poverty epidemic is unrealistic. Although the goal of complete equality between peoples and countries is idealistic, it is unattainable through the people carrying out Singers solution.

The simple formula of whatever money youre spending on luxuries, not necessities, should be given away is illogical when placed in society and the hearts of people today. Celebrities prance around twirling world powers around their thumbs. They buy and sell thirty million dollar houses as if they were exchanging Christmas gifts. The worlds society today has no room in daily life to think of anyone but themselves and the new sports car or pair of shiny shoes waiting on next months paycheck. This way of thinking isnt just todays flaw. In the Bible, the parable of the Good Samaritan reveals the unsympathetic nature of a poor mans own people. The concept of giving away all money that isnt necessary has been and is still completely foreign and incomprehensible to those who have any power to make a change.

The concept of thinking of others isnt the only thought not receiving any pondering. While women of all ages are being kept as sex slaves for weeks at a time in Sudan, a little girl in Americaland of the freeis contently playing with her new Bratz doll her daddy bought her and a teenage girl is yelling at her parents for the early curfew they have imposed for next Fridays big school dance. The ethnic cleansing in Sudan and the ostracization of Nepal are unrealistic, dystopian nightmares rarely mentioned anywhere but the United Nations. To expect people who are completely oblivious to the situations they would be helping to donate their bonus and extra spending money is as ludicrous and useless as asking Narcissus to stop loving himself and think of others.

People dont even know where Nepal or Sudan is located, let alone the massive genocide and horrific problems in each country. The selfishness and sometimes purposeful neglect of foreign upsets is absolutely no basis to impose, or even to fantasize about a simple formula in which requires the donation of all money not needed for basic requirements of life to be donated to UNICEFan organization most dont know what the acronym stands for. Although the perception and attempt at world peace and equality is one worthy of thought and effort, Peter Singers solution is far from even touching the real issue of obliviousness and selfishness of the rest of the world.

8-28-05              Attempt at poetry

Your Apathy

A stranger’s arms swallow me like an octopus

As my mind strains to free from his suffocating grasp.

I enter a fantasy world where everything is right.

I pretend it’s you holding me and not him,

And that I’m yours once again.

I said we were falling away from each other and

You agreed, yet proposed a solution: a ‘break’.

You swore on that day we would not lose contact,

Yet it seems like years since we’ve talked.

I wonder what you're thinking right now.

We parted on unkind words seven days ago;

I haven’t heard a single “hello” from you since.

The words from our song pound through my mind and

My shirt is soaked from my salty tears.

Who knew it would end like this?

Thoughts of what you might be doing,

And who you might be seeing stalk me.

Your apathetic manner haunts me.

He whispers in my ear a sweet "I love you".

A hard ball engulfs my throat as I disappointedly

Look back, expecting to see your face next to mine.

I think I'm hallucinating.

I swear it was your soft voice.

His kisses soothe me; his hands warm me.

His arms comfort me; his smile relaxes me.

I compare him to you struggling to prove my heart wrong,

But then I realize that you did everything he does, but better.

You're the one, the one I need.

It’s not fair to him for me to feel like this.

I’m suposto be his. I find myself wanting you

While I’m staring into his eyes.

Was this part of your wonderful plan?

Did you know it’d end like this?

Thoughts of what you might be doing,

And who you might be seeing stalk me.

Your apathetic manner haunts me.

He kisses me good night and I’m longing for your touch.

My stomach growls as I pass the kitchen; I haven’t eaten in days.

I wander teary eyed to my room and flop on my bed.

My whole body shakes as I smother my cries in my pillow

Regretting all that I’ve done to you.

I know what you’re doing.

I know whom you’re seeing.

I know you’re only apathetic toward me.

8-6-05                Wisdom Teeth

I just got my wisdom teeth out. Lemme tell you, I never realized how much food I can't eat due to the stitches and pain in my mouth! I have only been able to eat eggs, bread and ice cream. I'm not complaining, but just makes me realize how much we take advantage of little things like our teeth. Hehe.

6-19-05               Smoking

What is up with smoking? I don't understand the drive to smoke. Sure teenagers might say they smoke because its 'fun' or maybe because its a form of rebellion.   If its the rebellion stand, then I see where they are coming from. But why pick smoking? Sure it is something your parents don't approve of, but there are plenty of things that you can do to 'rebel' that don't involve damaging your mind, heart, lungs, taste, smell and eventually resulting premature death. Smoking is horrible for you, yet millions of Americans still find it enjoyable. Some want to quit, but can't. People know what smoking does to your body. So the question lies...why did they start? What does somking give to you? What high results from having a smoke? Is there a great social life involved with smoking?  I highly doubt it. I for one will never kiss someone who smokes. I'd rather kiss my dog. Seriously, smoking is appauling.  Now, before you start writing hate mail to me, I'm not judging people that smoke. I'm judging smoking itself. I don't think less of anyone that smokes. I just wonder why they do it. What is the thrill or motivation that smoking gives them? I doubt I will ever understand..

5-1-05------------------PROM-----------------

Prom is officially overrated! Now some of you may think that I am just jealous cuz I didn't go to prom. Well, sucks for you because I did get asked, and I went. Don't get me wrong, I had A LOT of fun, too. But it is over rated, at least it is here in Happy Valley. For example, what is up with girls feeling the need to wear fake nails??? Your date obviously had no problem with your nails before he asked you...so why do you need to put fake ones on? And what is up with the whole day date? I went to prom in Kentucky and there wasn't a day date, and guess what? I didn't die. It was actually fun, because they had after prom! Very fun. And then there is the whole way in which guys are EXPECTED to ask their date to prom. It has to be either cute, original or unique. But guess what? Tyler didn't ask me in some cute, original or unique way and I didn't care. I actually perferred that he didn't. Girls have waaaaaay too many expectations for prom, and most of the time they are let down trying to fulfill them.

Have you ever walked by someone and their eyes are to the ground and they've got this sad/stressed look on their faces? Yeah, well don't cha jus wanna go up under their face and be like "BOO!" and watch 'em jump and then say "Hey, you should smile. Yer not lookin too happy there bud!" and jes continue walking where you were headed in the first place. I bet you'd make their day a lot better...

And then there are those people you pass who REFUSE to look at you even if you jump up and down or make a weird noise. Some may call them 'stuck up' or 'snooty' but I tend to think they are insecure more than anything. Cuz ya know when that cute guy or girl is near and ya get scared and anxious and won't look at 'em no matter what cuz yer afraid yer gonna mess up? Well, I think thats whats goin through their head. "Maybe, if I pretend they aren't there, then I won't be put in a situation where I could make a fool of myself!" Thats what I think.